Sunday, 20 January 2013

Fart Character

This post will likely offend some ladies in that they will not quite understand me on a fundamental fart level.

Here it is...

Boys. Like. Farts.

The louder and smellier - the more to behold. Even when defensive action is required.

I know that it is impossible for a woman to understand how it is possible to like something so putrid, so foul, so stench-ful, so nauseating; but those are just ways by which we boys rate and judge our farts - they aren't in any way negative.

Ok, ok... I hear you... this is a blog about daddies or kids somewhere right?


My almost two-year old boy Tommy is developing his own "fart character". What I mean by that is, he is starting to learn timing, and the importance of it in a fart. *makes toilet training possibility note here*

Today he was walking around like you would imagine a child would imitate a chicken... squatted down, but not with thumbs tucked in armpits like as if he was a chicken... he had his arms looped around the back of his thighs... I couldn't figure out for the life of me what he was doing.

Then all of a sudden, he popped up off his feet like you would expect a child to imitate a chicken or a duck... still nothing earth shattering here I know, but then it happened...

... he landed and he FARTED as he landed. I froze... holding breath so as not to laugh, and then he did it again, and then AGAIN... three quick hops, with a fart on each landing.

Without a word between us (his back was to me and he was hopping away) - we both simultaneously burst into laughter.

Then he looked back at me, saw I was laughing, and laughed that much harder.

I guess it is at this point that I should perhaps mention that I don't encourage rude fart behavior with Tommy. It is a house where we always excuse ourselves if it happens. It is a house where he will hopefully one day learn that farts have to be controlled in the 'right way' in certain circumstances... as in not having them, or leaving a room... but for now... it's pretty darn exciting to see some fart control.

It's also pretty funny to see a kid that isn't taught any fart games, just learn them. As if somehow it is actually part of our genetic make-up.

You'll argue that my laughter shows acceptance. And I would be a fool to deny you. I won't. You are correct. But I swear, this is a case of chicken before the egg isn't it?

And he clearly did the chicken fart, before I ever laughed at that egg. Or taught him any such silly, or exaggerated fart game.

I mean, I hadn't even bothered teaching him fart stuff yet. #ruhroh

I do believe it's a #thugdaddy's responsibility to help his son form a POLITE, yet potentially humorous fart character for himself. It's a far more important element of our existence than you could possibly imagine... or would even let yourself believe.

Sorry ladies..


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